How to be a better divorced parent

Stella Kavoukian, a mediator and therapist based in Toronto, tells parents that the alternative to compromise is often the legal system. “Going this route, apart from being emotionally and financially draining, forces parents to take opposing positions rather than work collaboratively,” she says. “Philosophically, this is a poor place to start when trying to work toward a child’s best interests.

She offers this co-parenting advice for divorced parents:

• Know that successful co-parenting involves parents working together to create security, stability and consistency between the two homes.
• Help your children have meaningful and healthy relationships with each parent by supporting the other parent and their household. By being positive, you will promote more open communication between you, your child and your co-parent.
• Whenever you are unsure what to do, make your children and their needs your guiding light.
• Try not to blame the other parent. It is not helpful to anyone. It risks leaving your child feeling like they are caught in the middle and need to take sides.
• Don’t use your children as messengers by communicating through them; if you cannot communicate directly, use a professional.
• Don’t “parentify” your child, or make your child feel that he or she has to take care of you.
• Save your energy and resources to focus on those areas that are of most importance to you and your child.Avoid conflict over minor concerns.
• Remember that you cannot control the other parent, but you can control your own behaviour and your response to provocations.
  Source: How to be a better divorced parent