Sharing Caregiving Among Brothers and Sisters
How you take care of mom or dad can transform your relationships forever
When 51-year-old Bernice — the youngest of four children and the closest in temperament and geography to her parents — stepped up to become the primary caregiver for her ailing 81-year-old mother, she met unexpected criticism from her older sister and two older brothers.
They teased her, as they always had, for being Mom's favorite. But this time their words had real bite: With their mother suffering from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder), they chastened Bernice for not using her status as the favorite to force their mother to quit smoking. In ways both subtle and blunt, her siblings made it clear they believed they would have done a better at job of taking charge of their mother's care.
These reactions didn't exactly endear her sibs to Bernice, as you can imagine. Here she was doing the bulk of the caregiving — and taking flak for it! Caring for their mother, Bernice realized, was resurfacing the sibling rivalry she thought she had escaped upon entering adulthood.