Getting along with your ex: Children are hurt when divorced parents duel

An excellent article on effective co-parenting can be found here.

The article features several families that have been able to see beyond their differences and the past to focus on the future and their children's well-being.  Learning to do this can be difficult but it is the greatest indicator of how your children will adapt.

The article quotes Dennis Kogut a clinical psychologist and director of Central Behavioral Healthcare in Ohio who states:

“It is natural if someone feels hurt to want to hurt back,” Mr. Kogut says. “It is very hard for people to put that aside, and ask this question: I might get even, but what is that going to do to my child? They lose sight of the impact of what they’re doing on their children.”

In fact, he points out, “the biggest predictor of adjustment for kids [to their parents’ divorce] is the degree of conflict between the parents.”

The families mentioned in this article may be the exception rather than the rule, however they represent what all parents should strive for.

In reality it is not always possible for former spouses or partners to be this amicable, however it is important to keep in mind that you DON'T have to be best friends with your ex after the breakup but you DO have to be able to be civil with each other, especially when dealing with co-parenting.  There will be graduations, recitals, games and even weddings.  What would you want your child to say to you on their wedding day about how each of you helped them cope with the end of your relationship and move on?